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User talk:Ultimatespiderman
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Doctor Who Theory page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:52, December 9, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:41, December 9, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted for being below quality standards. Wording issues: " "Here I am bitch," I shouted. "Come and get me. I'm right here. That's right, go ahead. I'm not afraid of death!" I exclaimed." There's really no need to use both exclaimed and shouted when there is no interrupting action/dialogue. ""I tried to save you," it told me. "tried to stop you from becoming like me." It (it) said." Spelling issues: ""Not sure if bullets can kill you assholes but what the hell do I have to loose (lose)?"" Capitalization issues: "...like me." It (it) said."", "me. "tried (Tried) to stop you" Since you used a period before the next line of dialogue, that implies you're starting a new sentence. Grammatical issues: it's=it is, its=possession. "It's buildings destroyed" Story issues: lines like this: "I would love to tell you that I happened to work at a Nickelodeon studio where creepy lost episodes were made, but all I can say is I worked at a Burger King." come off as pointless to the plot. The protagonist's actions need to be explained. "So I decided to do what I always do when I'm anxious and not thinking straight, go into the damn forest." Give the audience a reason behind this decision. This really stands out when she follows it up with this line: "Of course this was so stupid that I even told myself several times that it was the least intelligent thing to do in this situation" Then there's the fact that she originally goes into the woods pursuing her brother but never mentions him again. It really comes off like a MacGuffin. (Something used to progress the plot that is never mentioned or utilized again.) Story issues cont.: There needs to be a lot more description for scenes like this to work: "I shot the creature multiple times. Finally, he fell to the ground." Without focus/painting an image, lines like these feel very dull and involving. You also give zero description for the creature other than mentioning a black hooded man. (Also if you aren't referring to their race, you might want to change the wording.) This story really needs a lot of work as it seems like you're jumping from creature in the woods, to spooky lab, to deserted city with very little actions in-between to really justify using them. Those were a few of the issues I found in your story that resulted in its deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:36, December 9, 2015 (UTC) Notice To use the WW, your story has to be relatively complete. Just two or three lines isn't enough to really review it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:37, December 9, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:55, January 3, 2016 (UTC) :I'm sorry, but it still feels incredibly odd that that is how his mind is progressing when he is scared half-to-death. Maybe if he was writing it after the events, but during them seems really hard to understand/be believable. People who are locked in a basement for fear of their lives wouldn't necessarily discuss the nature of fear. I also feel like Whitix included some decent points as well. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:38, January 3, 2016 (UTC) ::You have to do a deletion appeal (with a revised version in the WW or on pastebin of course) before you can reupload it. Do not make the appeal now without having a re-worked version (as you'll see from those denials, that is not a viable strategy.) The only instance where you can reupload a story without issue is when the entire thing is drastically re-written to the point of being the original. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:47, January 3, 2016 (UTC)